And, every time, I want to pull my hair out. Worse, I know one of two of these talk radio hosts is doing it on purpose; they know darn well the Volt goes 40 miles on electricity, and then another 320 miles on gasoline. Leaf does not. But, because GM is Government Motors, some on talk radio use Volt as a halo car… to attack government ownership of American auto.

Ends don’t justify the means here, but that won’t stop people from intentionally lying about the Volt. So, GM has to step in and nullify that themselves.

Yes, I’ve heard GM is trying to trademark Range Anxiety ahead of a massive PR blitz. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s enough.

GM must, and yes I say must, quickly and strongly emphasize in ads that Volt does what I emphasized in the paragraphs above. That should constitute a major part of their advertising, and that should be the only thing communicated in many of the ads.

Americans are already getting a false impression about Volt. Negative first impressions can destroy superior products. GM cannot and must not let this happen with the Volt, or when Volt is actually economical for most customers… they’ll go for a plug-in Prius instead.

After the Pontiac division was deactivated, many thought the Zeta platform was going to be phased out. In fact, Ed Whitacre was quite clear on that when he referred to Zeta as being ‘dated’ and obsolete. Originally, GM planned for all future rear-wheel drive platforms to be based on the upcoming Alpha platform.

However, it appears Whitacre was saying one thing and designing another. Zeta now appears to be undergoing a redesign based on the R&D learned from Alpha, and will share the lighter, more fuel-efficient qualities that Alpha had. That’s not to say that Zeta really needed a redesign… in my opinion it blazes past the Chrysler LX and Ford D2C platforms already.

Now, with talk of both a Buick and Cadillac getting Zeta sedans, things get interesting. Add on top of that Holden testing mounts for the twin-turbocharged Ecotec engine inside the original Zeta (the Commodore VE/VF), and things get really interesting.

If you haven’t heard of the twin-turbo Ecotec, it’s because of poor marketing on GM’s part. That I4 engine gave the Solstice GXP up to 290 horsepower, helping to make Solstice the best-selling roadster in America. Alpha is a perfect fit for future Solstice replacements, likely a retractable hardtop built in the Solstice image. That car will probably land on Buick in retractable hardtop fashion for ~$35,000. While that’s $10,000 more than Solstice, it’s far less than a BMW Z4, with a free retractable hardtop thrown in.

Deciphering all this information, here’s how I see things rolling out. The following is based on the engines that GM is testing, and the CAFE standards they will have to accommodate.

Chevy Caprice – Based on the Commodore VE and Pontiac G8, this will be a short-wheelbase version for consumers. It will ship with the twin-turbo Ecotec and an optional V6 (likely the GM LLT Engine, same as Camaro).

Chevy Caprice PPV – Already announced, based on the long-wheelbase Holden Statesman. Same engines as Camaro.

Buick Grand National / Park Avenue – This one could go either way. If it’s a Grand National, it will probably be a rebadged Commodore. If it’s a Park Avenue, probably a longer-wheelbase Statesman rebadge. Either way, it will match Caprice PPV with a V6 standard, and optional V8.

Cadillac ZTS – Okay, I came up with the name… Zeta Touring Sedan. This is where things get interesting. With the ATS and CTS filling the “low end” of Cadillac, GM can price this vehicle with a standard V8 engine, and make the ZTS-V their new top dog. 551 horsepower enough to make you forget the Pontiac badge? Probably not, because this will likely be one of GM’s most expensive vehicles to-date. A ZTS could land for around $50,000 and a ZTS-V could be in the mid $70,000s.

Again, this is analysis, but not speculation. Holden wouldn’t be getting the R&D bucks to worry about fuel efficiency this much if there wasn’t some intent to take these cars to America. And, with three or four engines to chose from, GM can badge engineer in a sensible manner… free from the likes of Fritz Henderson and their “not a car guy / not a fan of rebadging” mentality.

My one suggestion for GM, follow the lead of Holden. Take the Pontiac badge and make it a premium option for high-end Chevy cars. A $2,000 body kit with an ECM tweak for more horsepower is nearly pure markup for GM. Chevy dealers will have no problem pushing those kind of upsales… especially with not having to worry about inventory.

As if Facebook didn’t need any more issues, after their latest privacy meltdown… here comes something else. In case you were living under a rock, Facebook decided to capitalize on everyone’s profile on search engines. They did so by presenting users with a Privacy Wizard. Users that “skipped” the wizard, unknowingly unlocked all privacy options, putting their entire profile up for view.

Well, here’s the new debacle. Companies (a key revenue generator for Facebook) are locking down their walls. Ordinary fans can continue to post comments (hidden replies that require multiple clicks to appear). But, fans can’t make new threads on the company’s wall.

Two big culprits that I’ve seen are General Motors and Sega. However, there are many, many more. I suspect this was the call of a couple of social media companies that manage dozens… if not hundreds of company blogs.

Facebook needs to step in here and explain that this won’t work in the long run. It turns off fans from interacting with the company’s wall, and thus, Facebook in general.

I know Facebook has taken pride in giving more control over access to people’s walls, but this is just going to hurt Facebook, and if they can’t force companies to have open walls… they can at least work to head off such lockdowns. If I were Facebook, I’d be calling some social media managers right now.

Well, after doing some digging, we have some results. The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety posted rear crash ratings for the G8 on their Pontiac rear crash page.

Unfortunately, these don’t give the whole picture. The IIHS considers very few cars to be good or even acceptable in a rear-end collision. They have been a bit more liberal in their ratings for SUVs, but that’s understandable considering the design of an SUV.

The real problem is that this could leave a bad picture in the mind of people looking for a G8. Not that GM cares really, since they’re a rare breed. But, since the G8 is in every way safer than a G6, and the G6 does in the end get a Good front and Acceptable side impact rating… you can rest assured knowing you’re not less safe in a G8.

On a side note, I can see why the IIHS would only do rear impact tests. Each test requires killing a G8. There are only 80,000 G8′s in America. That means paying a lot of money to crash-test a limited car (that never really got a chance to sell in a good economy, but anyways…). Insurance companies care a lot more about rear-impact tests, because they cause more injuries (whiplash, etc) and insurers are more defensive about them in general.

It would have been nice though to see the G8 shine in the side-impact tests. Just the added sheet metal versus a G6 could have given it a Good rating.

Smart Charging is a hotly debated topic today. Many believe it is necessary to help keep power grids online, faced with ever-increasing demand. Opponents feel that it adds an additional layer of onerous government control, allowing governments to control when and how you life your life. Smart Charging, in power emergencies, can allow utilities to control thermostats and large utilities, reducing their effectivity or shutting them down completely. Utilities and companies like IBM argue that this could even be used to modify consumer behavior, to be better for the environment. Conservatives and libertarians oppose this kind of government “lifestyle shaping.”

Yesterday, a CNET article ran demonstrating OnStar’s EV lab technology for the Volt. It casually noted that the Volt will be in constant communication with the utility company, allowing them to decide when the Volt would be charged via Smart Charging on the OnStar network (in order to get the “best rate” as utilities switch to per-hour charging times for consumers).

Obviously, this got me a little outraged, as originally the first-gen Volt wasn’t going to have this kind of control from your utility.

So, after a couple of messages of concern to that effect, GM responded to me personally. The 2011 Volt will have Smart Charging, but you will always be able to tell it to charge immediately, even in a power emergency. Smart Charging on the Volt will never ignore the commands of the consumer.

Let’s hope GM keeps it that way. The Volt needs an Emergency Mode that lets you access its remaining battery power, not an Emergency Mode that lets your utility company… disable your car. That’s the last Volt I’ll suggest to a consumer.

The Pontiac G8 saga really couldn’t get any weirder at this point. The G8 is based on the Commodore VE, which is sold in Australia. Now, Holden will be selling the G8 in direct competition to its own, essentially identical car. Meanwhile, shipments of the G8 to the United States, have come to an end.

Meanwhile, GM and the U.S. Government’s Auto Task Force don’t find that to be a viable option here. The Pontiac brand is completely badge engineered, with the G3, G5, G6, Torrent, Solstice and G8 all badge engineered on various levels. However, Holden appears to have found a market, for those that want cars in clothing that actually matches their style.

Unfortunately, GM doesn’t seem to want to listen to their American customers, who don’t have the option of buying a Commodore VE from their local dealer (let alone anything else Pontiac in about 12 months). GM Detroit feels you’ll be fine with a Camaro, Malibu, or something Buick.

The Pontiac G8 ST will also be released, again only in Australia. The sport truck was supposed to be released in the United States, but was scrapped when the economy declined.

It is not clear how long Holden will be able to sell Pontiac-branded cars, possibly through 2010 as limited edition units. However, backlash from American executives might kill the plan entirely. Those executives can’t feel good knowing there are enraged, driven, organized Pontiac supporters… who are continuing to organize.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the pricetag comes to $1,000 Australian to have your Commodore VE order turned into a Pontiac G8 order.

I would love to hear an explanation as to why Pontiac can’t become a branded option, or a sub-brand of Buick… while Holden begins direct sales of the Pontiac G8. Why is it good for Australia, but not for America, where Pontiac is headquartered?

Update: As CarSales.com.au reports, Holden does not appear to be allowed to use the Pontiac badge. However, the cars will be identical to G8 units, with all G8 parts and styling. It’s not clear why Holden is choosing to do this, either to use up remaining G8 supplied parts, or as an internal corporate protest to the discontinuation of the G8 export program. Either way, Holden clearly believes there’s a market in Australia for what Pontiac had in the United States.

Granted, one of the first announcements out of the Saturn/Penske deal was that the Sky roadster was going to be cut from production immediately. But, we already knew that was coming down, as GM didn’t want to continue original models for Saturn (at least, until the dust settled). Enter Holden.

The Commodore VE (aka Pontiac G8) can’t seem to find a place in GM’s lineup, due to fuel economy and issues with it taking up a spot in the CAFE standard lineup, which would need to be reserved for a pickup truck or SUV (where GM really makes its money). But, Penske’s Saturn no longer has such an issue. It’s not GM. And, it doesn’t have the same gas-guzzler ratio concerns.

I expect on the low-end, Penske will use fuel-efficient cars from Korea and, eventually, China. But, they’ll use the top spots for cars sourced from GM and Holden directly. That would give them sporty drives along with economy drives. With the loss of Pontiac, Penske has a rare opportunity to sell GM Sport cars… even when GM can’t or won’t in the United States.

Especially with GM Holden saying that the Zeta platform will be replaced with a lighter, more fuel-efficient remix of Zeta, I can’t see any reason for Penske not to pass on such an opportunity. Let’s hope that Penske will do what Henderson won’t, and rebadge a great car so it can be sold here.

“I got a rock…”

Yes, that famous Charlie Brown line is what many new Pontiac G8 owners are saying. See, the Pontiac web site clearly lists Bluetooth as an included feature for the 2009 model year. Yet, many who are snapping up these discontinued-despite-Vice-Chairman-Bob-Lutz-saying-it’s-better-than-sliced-bread-wanting-to-save-it cars (yes, the G8 saga is that long)… are finding Bluetooth is missing.

Here’s what happened, according to GM. The initial 2009 model marketing for the Pontiac G8 didn’t include Bluetooth. But, mid-year they added it as a last-ditch effort to surge faltering sales (this is a recession, and BMW 5-series best-ers still don’t sell at $24,000).

Unfortunately, GM didn’t note that this was a mid-year addition. And, with so many G8s sitting in inventory, many wound up test-driving a G8 with Bluetooth, and signing for a G8 without Bluetooth.

Some dealers have reportedly said “go **** yourself” literally to customers who are upset about the Bluetooth bait-and-switch. Worse, the Bluetooth system is configured via OnStar, purely from voice commands. If you don’t have a conversation with the car about its Bluetooth abilities (or lack thereof), you have no way of knowing from a visual inspection. Savvy G8 shoppers can check for a serial number beginning with L3, the third revision which added Bluetooth (L2 was to take care of initial recall issues).

GM says that there is no easy fix to the problem. The OnStar hardware is a mess to replace. Some customers that have complained for countless hours, up to the top tiers of GM have gotten some assistance. Pontiac appears to be handling the matter on a case-by-case basis, based on the rage-meter of how enraged a customer is. At least one customer has gotten GM to instruct a dealer to swap out the OnStar gear free of charge with “BlueStar” (Bluetooth-enabled OnStar) hardware.

But, buyer beware. Just because the 2009 Pontiac G8 web site says it has Bluetooth, doesn’t mean it really does. GM has said to some customers that they are working on a product-wide solution, but I wouldn’t hold my breath… even though GM may genuinely be working on a solution, the last thing I would want as a mobile enthusiast, is to have an uphill battle to get Bluetooth in my car. You really don’t want to hate something you’ll be paying on for awhile.

Personal note: I am still warming up to buying a G8 GT myself, but I typically buy CPOs. Yes, Pontiac is going away, and I’d love to buy one to “show the Auto Task Force” that forcing Pontiac’s closure was a mistake. But, it’s not the right time to be making $5,000 political statements. I’d rather someone else pay $1/mile to wear in the car.

What is an Emergency Mode? At first I wasn’t going to re-state this, but I feel it’s necessary based on the unawareness that I caught in this article’s comments. Essentially, this only applies to E-REV vehicles like the Volt. An E-REV is a car that is primarily electric, but can also recharge its battery via an Internal Combustion Engine (ICE). You charge your car using a standard 110V or 220V outlet, and after about 40 miles… the car fires up its ICE and the battery recharges via gasoline, as you drive.

The moral hazard here is that, in order to ensure that the all-electric battery lasts a full 10 years, you never drain the battery down to zero. After about 40 miles, you still have (on a new battery) about half the capacity still charged. In theory, you could drive 80 miles without using gas… but that would do too much damage to the battery.

Well, what happens if you’re out of gas, and you’ve driven 40 miles. Let’s say there’s a hurricane bearing right for you… or a tornado… or some maniac that wants to kill you. Your car has the power to go another 20, 30, even 40 miles to safety… but it won’t let you. It’s designed to just shut down and sit there. And, you’re going to die in that type of situation.

I was pretty surprised the last time I talked about this, some idiots actually rationalized that “well, you should die in that case, it’s your own darn fault you got into that kind of situation.” There’s no getting through to those kind of people, much less trying to show them how a situation that could arise through no fault of your own.

Once again, as I’ve noted in the past, this doesn’t work with hybrids like the Toyota Prius or Honda Insight. Single-mode hybrids cars like these have very tiny batteries, that would only run for a very short distance without gasoline in the drive-train.

Some also complained about the potential for abuse, that some motorists would hit the Panic Button and engage the battery frequently… doing damage and voiding the warranty on the Volt’s battery. I showed GM how they could easily take advantage of the OnStar modem, inside every Volt, to send a signal to OnStar every time the Panic Button is pressed. After three strikes, the battery’s warranty would be voided. Plain, simple, and safe.

Unfortunately, few have taken up this cause, so here’s my call to arms. Tell GM you want an Emergency Mode on the Volt. Your safety in a dangerous situation is important enough to engineer this simple solution.

In case you’re wondering… what will I buy if the Volt lacks this option? Well, the Pontiac G8 GXP, as a pre-owned car is probably the direction I’m heading in. Half the price of the Volt, and twice the performance. Sure, it won’t be all-electric, but it is a Pontiac… and that’s better than the put-puts that GM is going to be churning out. I would have liked to buy a Chevy Caprice, but Bob Lutz didn’t get his way…

Now, I will point out that this guide takes into account some assumptions. It assumes Bob Lutz’s most recent Volt pricing projections are correct. Second, it assumes legislation that has not yet passed Congress, will indeed pass.

Essentially, we’re going to combine multiple government welfare (oh snap, I said welfare) programs, to bring the Volt down from its $39,999.99 price tag (they’d tack on a 9/10th of a cent if they could).

First, we’re going to take the government’s $7,500 tax credit for the Volt into account. GM doesn’t yet know how this is going to work with financing. It’s possible that they’ll write up two loans, one of which being a $7,500 loan at 0% interest… which would be due upon receiving your tax refund check. That would keep the loan for the car, separate from the loan for the tax credit.

The price is now $32,750. How do we get to $28,000? Cash for clunkers.

Cash for Clunkers (you may have heard of it in the past) is a government welfare program, aimed at getting clunkers off the road, to cut pollution. It uses about $4 billion of that $787 billion TARP bailout (which again, was for banks… to save the economy… from evil, dirty, inequitable capitalism…). Basically, it requires that you have a car which gets an EPA city/highway combined estimate of under 18 miles per gallon.

Plus, the new car has to be under $45,000. That’s fine for the entry-level Volt buyer, but options can easily push the price tag up a few thousand. Be careful, I doubt dealers will negotiate on a car that, if there was a sales line for early-adopters, would resemble an iPhone launch.

Oh, and the clunker has to be registered for over a year. That means if you have a car collecting dust, now is the time to pay a few hundred bucks and get it registered. I can’t promise the law won’t change in Congress before it’s passed, but as it stands now, all the car has to be is registered for 365 days.

So, when it comes time to buy the Volt… well, there’s a problem there too. See, Cash for Clunkers only lasts for a year, from when it is signed into law. Let’s say it gets signed into law in two months (it could get passed sooner, or later). That’s mid-August. How many Volts are going to be in-stores in mid-August 2010? Zero. No, GM doesn’t expect to have them shipped to customers until late Q4. And those will sell out almost instantly. Most people who want Volts, will have to wait until 2011 for their orders to be filled.

That’s the one unknown about Cash for Clunkers. If we “buy” a car, which hasn’t been built yet, does the program apply? Or, do we have to actually take ownership of the car within the program’s period… in order to get the discount? I think this will depend on how much GM pushes for it. Remember, the car makers support this program because they claim it will help sell new cars. But if the world’s first mass-production electric car can’t benefit from the program, then this is just going to push people into cars on the lots right now.

In fact, GM had better be careful with Cash for Clunkers. Let’s say the bill gets tweaked, and the Volt is somehow exempted. If I can get $4,500 now for my clunker, I might as well go get a Kia (from the car company for hamsters), and get the Volt after that car dies. Why waste a $4,500 bailout credit welfare check, especially when the Volt will only go down in cost later on?